FUNNY PIC ???

THIS IS CALLED COMPETITION???

This is a hoarding Jet Airways put at a busy road in Mumbai (bandra road )

SEE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT ………
AFTER A FEW DAYS ...

WHAT ARE MISTAKES???

If a barber makes a mistake,

It's a ...

If a driver makes a mistake,

It is an ...

If a engineer makes a mistake,

It is a ...

If parents makes a mistake,

It is a ...

If a politician makes a mistake,

It is a ...

If a scientist makes a mistake,

It is a ...

If a tailor makes a mistake,

It is a ...

If a teacher makes a mistake ,

It is a ...

If our boss makes a mistake,

It is our ...

And finally

If an employee makes a mistake,

It is a

FUNNY PICTURE !!!

LADY AND STATION MASTER??

Lady: Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi .

Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

WHERE GUARANTEE NEVER WORKS???

LIGHT CAN REPLACE SUN

PARENTS CAN REPLACE GOD

BUT NOTHING IN THE WORLD CAN REPLACE U

WHY

LOCAL ITEMS "NO GUARANTEE & NO REPLACEMENT"

INTRESTING FACT!!!

Only 2.5 inch is enough to satisfy a women


I am talking about CREDIT CARD !!!

WHAT IS FASHION DESIGNING???

Too many Brains working on Too Little Clothes with Too many IDEAS on how to Cover Too Little Areas....

CHECK THIS OUT !!!

"SPIDERMAN" is jumping "SUPERMAN " is flying "HEMAN"is fighting one "GENTLEMAN" is sending this sms one "DOBERMAN"is reading this sms

THINK DIFFERENTLY!!!

☻He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but

☻Don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine

FUNNY GANGULY~!~!~!

Phone call for Ganguly!


India Pakistan Match has started. As to be expected, it’s a charged up atmosphere and the heat is really on!

India is put in to bat. As to be expected, three wickets down, for a measly score.

There is phone call for Ganguly, at the Dressing Room. The Team Manager picks up the call.

"Hello ! I am Ganguly’s friend speaking . Can I talk to him now ?"

The Team Manager replies : "Sorry ! He has just gone in to bat . "


The caller replies "No problem . I’ll hold the line ! "

WHAT DOES A BOY SAYS TO GIRL TO GET SLAP???

You are 95% BEAUTIFUL.
You are 96% SWEET.
You are 97% nice.
You are 98% HANDSOME.
You are 99% LOVELY & 100% FOOL TO BELIEVE THIS.

HOW DOES MAN CHANGES ACCORDING TO SITUATIONS???

Man's life before marriage "SPIDERMAN".

Finding a girl "SUPERMAN".

After engagement "GENTLEMAN" .

After marriage "WATCHMAN".

Ten year's after marriage "DOBERMAN".

HEIGHT'S OF FASHION!!!

A 2 MONTH OLD BABY,GOES TO A HUGGIES OUTLET ASKING ASKING FOR A

LOW WAIST NAPPY..

SARDAR TRYING TO FINDOUT SOMETHING INTRESTING WHICH NO MAN THINGKED ABOUT IT ???

EK SARDAR BARAF KA TUKRA HAATH MEIN LE KAR GAUR SE DEKH RAHA THA...

KISI NE PUCHA KYA KAR RAHE HO???
USENA BOLA "MEIN DEKH RAHA HOON KI LEAK KAHAN SE HO RA HA !!!

COMEDY TIME !!!

A TOURIST FROM U.S.A ASKED SARDAR

TOURIST:"ANY GREAT MAN BORN IN THIS VILLAGE"???

SARDAR:NO SIR,HERE NO MAN IS BORN ,ONLY BABIES ARE BORN!!!HA HA HA~!~!~!

STOCK BROKER TO HIS CLIENT !!!

BROKER:"THE NEXT TWO MONTHS R GOING TO BE MOST DIFFICULT TIMES FOR U "

CLIENT:"AFTER THAT"???

BROKER:U WILL GET USED TO IT !!! HA HA HA ~!~!~!

HEIGHT OF ESCAPISM!!!

PROF: WHERE IS U R ASSIGNMENT???

STUDENT:SIR,I LOST IT WHILE FIGHTING WITH STUDENTS WHO SAID DAT U WERE NOT THE BEST PROF IN THE COLLEGE !!!

CONVERSATION BETWEEN MONEY AND ME

I MET MONEY AND SAID "YOU ARE JUST A PIECE OF PAPER"

MONEY SMILED AND SAID,

"OFCOURSE I AM A PIECE OF PAPER,BUT I HAVN'T SEEN A DUSTBIN YET"!!!

WHO ALL FLIRTS,CHECK IT OUT ???

IS DUNIYA MEIN FLIRTS KI KAMI NAHI ...

SURAJ KO HI DEKLO!!!

1. AATA HAI USHA KE SAATH
2. JATA HAI SANDHYA KE SAATH
3. SOTA HAI NISHA KE SAATH AUR UTHATA HAI ROSHNI KE SAATH...
   

DEFINE GIRL FREIND???

A PERSON WHO CHANGES EVERY HABIT IN A BOY AND AFTER A YEAR SAYS

"NOW U R NOT LIKE BEFORE,U HAVE CHANGES A LOT,I HATE U"

WIRED FACTS OF LIFE:

NOBODY DIES VIRGIN,LIFE FUCK'S US ALL!!!

GRAVITY IS ALL BULLSHIT,BASICALLY EARTH SUCKS!!!

DON'T DRINK WATER,FISH DO THINGS IN IT !!!

WHAT IS A KISS???

IN VARIOUS POINT OF VIEW

1. GEOMETRY:KISS IS THE SHORTEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO LIPS!!!
2. ECONOMICS:KISS IS THE THING, FOR WHICH DEMAND IS ALWAYS HIGHER THAN SUPPLY!!!
3. PHYSICS:KISS IS THE PROCESS OF CHARGING HUMAN BODY!!!
4. COMPUTER:KISS IS JUST LIKE A LAN,IN WHICH TWO BODIES ARE CONNECTED WITHOUT ANY DATA CABLE!!!
5. HISTORY:THE GREAT WAR BETWEEN TWO LIPS!!!
6. CHEMISTRY:THE FAST REACTION BETWEEN TWO LIPS WITHOUT CATALYST!!!
   

WHAT MAN AND WOMEN HAVE ???

MONEY

A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.

A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.

BATHROOM

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6.

The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.

ARGUMENTS

Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats.

Men may say they love cats, but when women are not looking, will men kick cats.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife.

A successful woman is one who can find that a man.

GOOD THOUGHT!!!

Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.

The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women

1. Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.
   
   
2. That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.
   
   
3. Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1).
   
   
4. Five Minutes - If getting dress, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.
   
   
5. Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.
   
   
6. Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)
   
   
7. Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)
   
   
8. Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)

Top 25 Engineering Terms and Expressions (What they say and what they really

Customer satisfaction is believed to be assured. (We're so far behind schedule that the customer will settle for anything.)

Please see me / Let's discuss it. (I need your help. I've screwed up again.)

The project is in process. (It's so tied up in red tape that it's completely hopeless.)

We're trying a number of different approaches. (We still guessing, at this point.)

We're following the standard. (We've always done it this way.)

Close project coordination. (We met together and had coffee.)

Years of development. (It finally worked.)

Energy saving. (Turn off the power to save electricity.)

We'll have to abandon the entire concept. (The only person who understood the thing just quit.)

We had a major technological breakthrough. (It's boring, but it looks high tech.)

We're preparing a report with a fresh approach. (We just hired a couple of kids out of college.)

Preliminary operational tests proved inconclusive. (It blew up when we flipped the switch.)

Test results proved extremely gratifying. (Yahoo! It actually worked.)

Please read and initial. (We want to spread around the responsibility.)

Tell us what you are thinking. (We'll listen, but if it disagrees with what we've already done or are planning to do, forget it.)

Tell us your interpretation. (Let's hear your bull.)

We'll look into it. (Forget it! We've got so many other problems already, we'll never get to it.)

No maintenance. (If it breaks, we can't fix it.)

Low maintenance. (If it breaks, we're no likely able to fix it.)

All new. (None of the parts are interchangeable with the previous design.)

Rugged. (Needs major equipment to lift it.)

Robust. (More than rugged.)

Light weight. (A little less than rugged.)

Fax it to me. (I'm too lazy to write it down.)

I haven't gotten your email. (It's been days since I've checked my email.)

WHY ENGINEERING STUDENT DONT HAVE GIRL FREIND???

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

WHAT A CONVERSATION???

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

"You may have graduated but I've got many degrees".

FUNNY QUOTES!!!

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HIGH SCHOOL VS COLLEGE

25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.

24. No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.

23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.

22. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.

21. In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.

20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.

19. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.

18. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn't heard of it.)

17. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.

16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you're lucky to ever talk with the professor.

15. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.

14. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.

13. In high school, when the teacher said, "Good morning," you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, "Good morning," you write it down.

12. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.

11. In college, weekends start on Thursday.

10. In college, it's much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.

9. Once you've obtained the information described in #10, it's much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to "just happen to bump into him/her."

8. In college, there's no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.

7. In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.

6. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.

5. College men are cuter than high school boys.

4. College women are legal.

3. In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don't need a note from your parents saying you were skip... uh, sick that day.

2. In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed. In college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.

1. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.

FOOLING THE PROFESSOR !!!

Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to party instead. So, when they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tyre and they needed a bit more time to study.

The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.

Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the first question.

"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom."

At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease.

Then, the test continued... "For 95 points, tell me which tyre it was."

ANY IDIOTS IN THE ROOM?

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic lecturer.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the lecturer with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

WINDOWS XP ERROR MESSAGES

A few of the new error messages that were taken under consideration during the development of the Windows XP operating system...

• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

• Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

• BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

• Close your eyes and press escape three times.

• File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

• Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

• Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

• Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"

• Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"

ON JUDGEMENT DAY

Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days.

They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses, and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was "not"changing his mind. So, . .

Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news . . . there "is" a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."

Boris Yeltsin went back and told his staff, "I have bad news and more bad news. The first was . . . there "is" a God. The second was that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."

Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First . . . God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the world. Second . . . you don't have to fix the bugs in Windows 98.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET WHEN...

• Your bookmarks takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

• You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.

• All of your friends have an @ in their names.

• You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Excite.

• You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

• Your phone bill is delivered in a box.

• You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

• The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.

• You forget what year it is.

• You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited.

TOP TEN LINES FROM INTERNET CHAT ROOMS

1 You're different... I've never felt like this about someone I've never met before.

2 I'm new online and haven't had time to create a profile... but tell me more about yourself.

3 I never do Cybersex! Yet here in this room alone with you, well, I'm getting excited.

4 I'm 5'4, blonde hair, blue eyes and everyone loves my body!

5 I'm 6'0, great tan, and buffed from working out.

6 Yes of course I'm female...

7 I'm in this private room consoling a depressed friend.

8 No this is my only screen name... You mean you can have more then one?

9 I'm not like most of the guy's/gal's here, I want to meet so we can just have coffee and get to know each other. (at the hotel coffee shop)

10 I don't care what you look like, it's what's on the inside that counts (Which is true, it means: I'm horny and could care less, just type)

WHAT A PLOLITICS ???

VAJPAYEE GIVES A LOTUS 2 SONIA 2 IMPRESS HER

SONIA SMILED AND SLAPED VAJPAYEE

VAJPAYEE ASKED WHY ?

SONIA:U GAVE ME BJP SYMBOL ,SO I GAVE U CONGRESS SYMBOL

THE UNIVERSAL TRUTH !!

The best relation ever is between two eyes,

“They blink together,

move together,

cry together,

see together and sleep together".

STILL they never see directly each other.

But when they see a girl, one will blink and another will not.

Moral of the story: "Girls can break any kind of relationships" .

THESE SENTENCE'S REALLY MAKE SENCE !!!

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is likeexpecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.

3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,but what we are inside
. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!

4. Don't walk as if you rule the world,walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!

5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she didand is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair.When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

8. So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow sure!

9. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

10. All desirable things in life are eitherillegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

11. Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi
Ab aap bataaye kiski sune bapu di ya chacha di???

12. When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart,When tears flows from your eyes always say these words…Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…

13. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.Which makes it a logical statement that90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

WORLD'S MOST EMBARRASING MOMENT !!!

There was a World wide survey of "Most Embarrassing Moment in humanlife"the finale had the following three incidents....

Third Place"It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening,

so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love,we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed.

When we got to the bottom ofthe stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled

"SURPRISE!".

My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all ofmy friends were standing there ! My girlfriend and I were frozen tothe spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like aneternity.Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again

BOTH NOT COMFORTABLE !!!

English Teacher: Make a sentence using "Neither-Nor"
Naughty boy Student: When girls wear tight fitting dresses,"NEiTHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!

WHAT IS BRAVERY ???

Kissing a woman at her FOREHEAD is Respect

At her LIPS is Love

CHEEKis Heroism

NECK is Lust

BUT KISSING HER IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND IS BRAVERY

FRIEND JOKE !!!

A boy is telling proudly to his close friend as to what he did with his girlfriend whom he took to a hotel room for three consequtive nights.

Boy to his friend "First day I took out her cloths waited for some time and we came back."

Friend asks him "Only this much? Why?

Boy Reples, " Because, She should not feel that I do not have courage to undress her.

Boy further tells his friend, " Second day, I undressed her and also undressed my self, and then we came back."

Friend again asked him, " Reallly? That's all?

Boy Replies. " Ya. Because, she should not feel that I can not control myself".

Boy further reports to his friend, "On third and last day, I undressed her, then I undressed myself, then I masterbetted myself and we came back immeditely."

Friend shockingly asks him " No sex with her at all? Why?"

Boy replies, "Ya. Because she should not feel that I can not manage with out her"

BOY'S WILL NEVER CHANGE !!!

Girls Collage mai Strike ho gai,
Sabhi girls Nare Laga rahi hai,
Girls k satth Boys bhi unka satth de rahe hai,
Girls ne Nare lagate huye "HAMARI MANGE....,
Piche se Awaz aye,"SINDUR SE BHARO....".

FUNNY WOMEN'S FACT'S !!!

They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love;
after marriage it is self-defense

It is difficult to understand GOD.
He makes such beautiful things aswomen..and then he turns them into Wives !!!!

Q: What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
A: Magnets have a positive side!

It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!

YOU WILL LAUGH OUT FRO SURE !!! IT'S BET !!!

Once Santa & Banta were traveling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi, on a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers.

Santa and his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.

Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.

Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.

Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.

Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"

Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"

ERROR'S vs WARNINGS !!!

A software engineer was smoking.

A lady standing nearby said to him "can't you see the Warning, Smoking is injurious to health..!'.

He replied "We are bothered only about Errors, not Warnings !!"

SOFTWARE ENGINEER & BEGGAR !!!

A beggar meets another beggar.
A software engineer meets another software engineer,
Both them ask the same question to each other,
What is the question???.

Ans; So Which platform are you working on???...

CONTRIBUTION FOR BOSS !!!

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in loud discussions during office time.....

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, They ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss" They're asking for a Rs.500 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire. We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."

One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?

"About 10 litres."

DONT LOOSE HOPE !!!

*Ek Gadha:- Yaar mera malik mujhe bahut maarta hai.

*Dusara Gadha:- To tu bhag kyu nahi jata.

Pehla Gadha:- Bhag to jata.. par yahan future bada bright hai ...malik ki khoobsurat beti jab shararat karti hai to malik kahta hai,'Teri shaadi gadhe se kar dunga...!'*

*Bas isi ummeed me baitha hoon........ **

Moral- Keeping Hopes may not improve your future, but it will certainly reduce the pain of Today !!!*

M.B.A vs B.E STUDENT !!!

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain..... .
A MBA and a BE student go on a camping trip,

set up their tent, and fell asleep.

Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend and says:

"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
The BE asks, "What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute..
"Astronomically speaking,

it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.

"Practically. ..Someone has stolen our tent".

"ENGINEERING = 100% COMMON SENSE"JAI HO ALL ENGINEERS.

MARRIAGE QUOTE'S !!!

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

Don't marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.

FUNNG QUOTE'S

80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

A college is a place where pebbles are polished and diamonds dimmed.

FUNNY QUOTE'S

To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.

FINAL EXAM !!!

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Austin until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to Dallas for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.

They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written:

(For 95 points): Which tire?

AN INSURANCE SALESMAN & A FARMER !!!

An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a
farmer.

“Look at it this way,” he said finally. “How would your wife carry on if you should die?”

“Well . . .” drawled the weather-beaten man, “I don't reckon that'd be anyconcern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while I'm alive.”

WHAT'S TRUE LOVE ???

True love is like an pillow, u can hug when you are in trouble, you can cry when you are in pain & u can embrace when you are happy. So when u need true love spend 100 bucks and buy a pillow.

FROM NEW ENGLISH LANGUAGE STUDENT !!!

From New English Language Students

10. I fell in love with her the first time I sawed her.

9. He had such a worm heart.

8. We were two sheeps passing in the night.

7. We have hated each other for so long. I want to borrow the hatchet.

6. My dentist makes me blush twice a day.

5. I don’t know if he will propose, but I am expecting.

4. I have something exciting to tell you.
My girlfriend and I got enraged last night!

3. The groom was wearing a very nice croissant.

2. He lifted the veal off her face and gave her a big kiss.

1. I think she is really glad she got marinated.

COMPUTER HEAVEN AND COMPUTER HELL !!!

In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.

In Computer Hell:
The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.

MURPHY'S LAW ON COMPUTING !!!

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you’d least expect to find it.

4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

6. To err is human…to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it’s downright natural.

7. He who laughs last, probably has a back-up.

8. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

9. A complex system that does’ t work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

FUNNY SAYING - T-SHIRT'S !!!

I’m Out Of My Mind Feel Free To Leave A Message

My Anger Management Class Pisses Me Off

Cogito Ergo Periculosus (I Think Therefore I’m Dangerous)

He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest

Just Because I Don’t Care Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Understand

There should be A Special Prison for Stupid People

I Do What The Voices In My Wifes Head Tell Me To Do

I Don’t Know What Makes You So Dumb, But It Really Works

I Love Children But I Don’t Think I Can Eat A Whole One

These Are My Dress Clothes

I Don’t Know Karate But I Do Know Krazy And I Am Not Afraid To Use It

Do Not Disturb Already Disturbed

Sarcasm is Only One Of The Services I Offer

FUNNY QUOTES !!!

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

EXPLAINATION OF INFLATION !!!

A man explained inflation to his wife thus:

'When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but you are not worth as much.'

GRAMMAR CORRECTION !!!

A girl from Oklahoma and a girl from Wisconsin were seated side by side on a plane.

The girl from Oklahoma, being friendly and all said, "So, where y'all from?"

The Wisconsin girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."

The girl from Oklahoma sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, "So, where y'all from, bitch?"

BHIKARI & SAHIB !!!

BHIKARI : SAHIB EK RUPAIYA DE DO

SAHIB: KAL ANNA

BHIKARI: ISS KAL-KAL KE CHAKKAR MEIN ISS COLONY MEIN MERE LAKHON RUPAIYA FASSE HAIN

REALITY OF BOY'S & GIRLS'S !!!

Meaning of ABCDEFG for Boy's : A Boy Can Do Everything For Girls.

Reverse the letters GFEDCBA for Girls's :Girls Forget Everything Done & Catch new Bakra Again

Ladkewaale & Ladkiwaale

Ladkewaale: Ladki ka naam kya hai?

Ladkiwaale: Hamari pyari, aapki pyaari sabki pyari, Rampyari.

Ladke ka naam kya hai.

Ladkewale: Hamara Gu, aapka Gu, ham sabka gu JAGGU

FUNNY

A Law Professor asks a Student: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?

The Student replies: Father-in-Law

ENGINEERS JOKES !!!!!!

WHAT IF SOFTWARE ENGINEERS START MAKING FILMS ??????

THERE NAMES WILL BE

1)MUNNA BHAI C++

2)HAMARA MOUSE AAPKE PAAS HAI

3)SOFTWARE MIL GAYA

4)PROGRAM KIYA THO DARNA KYA

FAMILY PLANNING !!!!!

INTERVIEWER:AAP SAB KITHE HO ??

SALEEM : HUM 25 BEHAN BHAI HEN


INTERVIEWER:KYA AAP KE GHAR FAMILY PLANING WALE NAHI AATE ???

SALEEM:AAYE THE SCHOOL SAMAJH KE WAPAS CHALE GAYE !!!!!!

MOHABBAT JOKE!!!!

AAJ KA SAWAL

MOHABBAT HO JATI HAI YA KARNI PADTI HE???

VERY SIMPLE


LADHI SEXY HO TO HOJATI HAI ....

AUR AGAR AMEER HO THO KARNI PADTI HE ...

SARDAR REPLIED!!!!!

WOMEN LIVE BETTER,LONGER & LEAD PEACEFUL LIFE


WHY???

SARDAR REPLIED,OYE!!!ITS VERY SIMPLE,WOMEN'S DON'Y HAVE WIFE ...

SANTA BANTA JOKE!!!!

SANTA:TU ITNA SHARAB PEETA HAI,TERI BIWI KUCH BOLTI NAHI ??


BANTA:WO BAHOT ACHI HAI,GAON KI HAI NA


SANTA:ACCHA,MUJHE LAGA TERI HAI

HOW A C.A(CHARTERED ACCOUNTANT)SCOLDS SOME ONE ????

WHEN HE IS ANGRY ??

U BLOODY BOUNCED CHEQUE,LIABILITY 2 HUMANITY,BORN BAD DEBT,DISHONOURED BILLINSOLVENT MAN.

I WILL BEAT U SO BADLY THAT YOUR BALANCE SHEET WILL NEVER TALLY!!!

MANAGEMENT JOKE !!!!!

MANAGEMENT FUNDAMENTAL FOR SUCCESS

"IF YOU D'NOT LIKE ANY RULE ,JUST FOLLOW IT,REACH THE TOP AND CHANGE THE RULE !!!!!!!!!!!!"

COMMUNICATION FUNNY !!!!

3 FASTEST MEANS OF COMMUNICATION

1.TELL-PHONE

2.TELE-VISION

3.TELL-TO-WOMAN

HEIGHT OF HONESTY !!!!

SITTING IN AN EXAMINATION HALL,OPENING A BIT ,MEMORISING THE ANSWER AND THEN WRITING IT WITHOUT SEEING!!!!!

WIFE & HUSBAND

WIFE SAW SIGN BOARD>>>

BANARASI SAREE RS.10

NYLON SAREE RS.8

COTTON SAREE RS.5

WIFE:GIVE ME RS.500,I'LL BUY 50 SAREES

HUSBAND:ANDHI.ISTRI KI DUKAN HAI

HEIGHT'S TO ATTITUDE !!!

STUDENT ATTENDED BIO PRACTICAL EXAM

EXAMINER:TELL THE BIRD NAME BY SEEING LEG.

STUDENT:I DONT KNOW


EXAMINER:U FAIL!!!!! WAT'S U R NAME ??

STUDENT:SEE MY LEG & TELL MY NAME !!!

A SIMPLE FACT!!!

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INSIDE & OUTSIDE THE COLLEGE GATE IS

WE WILL PLAY WITH LIFE INSIDE

LIFE PLAYS WITH US OUTSIDE !!!!!

WIFE & HUSBAND

WIFE:HOW, HAVE U MANAGED TO GET HOME SO EARLY TODAY??

HUSBAND:MY BOSS LOST HIS TEMPER WITH ME AND SHOUTED."GO TO HELL"

SO I CAME HOME !!!!

FRIENDSHIP !!!

WIFE IS A "DIALLED CALL"

BABY IS A "RECEIVED CALL"

FIGURE IS A "MISSED CALL"

LOVER IS A "WAITING CALL"

BUT

FREINDSHIP IS A "FEVI-COL"

NEVER BE DEPRESSED WHEN BREAK UP !!!

WHO RECENTLY HAD A BREAK UP !!!!

"DID U LEAVE HER OR SHE LEFT U "??

I JUST SMILED AND REPLIED "LOVE LEFT US"??

BHAGWAN KO GUSSA KAB AATA HAI....

JAB KOI LADKI SHAADI SE PEHLE PREGNANT HO JAYA,

AUR USKI MAA KEHE,"HEY BHAGWAN YE TUNE KYA KIYA"

BEST SLOGAN ON BEAUTY PARLOUR !!!!!

A FAMOUS BEAUTY PARLOUR IN BOMBAY

SLOGAN WAS

"DON'T WHISTLE AT THE GIRL GOING OUT FROM HERE.SHE MAY BE U R GRANDMOTHER"

WHAT IS BRAVERY ?????????????

COMING HOME LATE AT NIGHT IN FRIEND'S BIKE AND MOM WAITING OUTSIDE WITH BROOMSTICK TO BEAT..

BUT U ASK HER "HI MUMMY STILL CLEANING HOUSE ????"

BEST SLOGAN ON BEAUTY PARLOUR !!!!!

A FAMOUS BEAUTY PARLOUR IN BOMBAY

SLOGAN WAS


"DON'T WHISTLE AT THE GIRL GOING OUT FROM HERE.SHE MAY BE U R GRANDMOTHER"

WHAT IS BRAVERY ?????????????

COMING HOME LATE AT NIGHT IN FRIEND'S BIKE AND MOM WAITING OUTSIDE WITH BROOMSTICK TO BEAT..

BUT U ASK HER "HI MUMMY STILL CLEANING HOUSE ????

EK FAQUIR BHEEKH MANGTHA HAI !!!

EK FAQUIR BHEEKH MANGNE KE LIYE MASJID KE BAHAR BAITHA RAHA...SAB NAAMAZI AANKH BACHA KAR CHALE GAYE.. USE KUCHH NAHI MILA...

WO FIR CHURCH GAYA ...

FIR MANDIR..

AUR FIR GURUDWARE..

LEKIN USE KO KISI NE KUCHH NAHI DIYA...

AAKHIR MEIN WO EK MAIKHANE{BAR} KE BAHAR AAKAR BAITH GAYA...

JO SHARABI NIKALTA US KE KATORE MEIN KUCHH DAAL JATA..

AUR KATORA NOTON SE BHAR GAYA...

YE DEKHKAR FAQUIR BOLA"WAH MERE MAULA..!!RAHTE KAHAN HO AUR ADDRESS KAHAN KA DETE HO ..??"

TEACHER ASKING CASTE TO STUDENTS ???

TEACHER ASKED TO STUDENT

TEACHER : WHAT IS YOUR CASTE??

STUDENT :PHELE TO HUM SHARMA THE,FIR RAJPUT THE,FIR BANIYA HO GAYE,ABHI HAI DARZI,


AAGE MUMMY KI MARZI.....

TERROR ENGLISH BY COLLEGE P.T SIR !!!

1.THERE IS NO WIND IN THE FOOTBALL!!!

2.THE GIRL WITH THE MIRROR{SPECS}PLZ COME HERE!!!

3.I TALK,HE TALK,Y U MIDDLE MIDDLE TALK!!!

4.U ROTATE THE GROUND FOUR TIMES!!!

5.U GO AND UNDER-STAND THE TREE!!!

6.U 3 OF U STAND TOGETHER SEPRATELY!!!

SARDAR JOKE

3 SARDAR BED PAR SO RAHE THE

AUR UN TINO KO JAGAH BAS NAHI HO RAHI THI

EK SARDAR BED SE NICHE SONA CHALA GAYA

DOSRA SARDAR NE USHE KAHA

"AB JAGAH HO GAYI UPAR AAJA"

FUNNY THOUGHTS!!!

1.IS SWIMMING IS GOOD EXERCISE TO SATY FIT...WHY WHALE'S R FAT???

2.WHY IS THAT EVERYONE WANT'S TO GO TO HEAVEN...BUT NO ONE WANT'S TO DIE???

3.SHALL WE SAY THAT THERE IS RACIAL DISCRIMINATION IN CHESS AS WHITE PIECE IS MOVED FIRST??

4.IN OUR COUNTRY,WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH...DEN WHY SHOULD WE PAY TELEPHONE BILL???

WIFE SUPRISE !!!

WIFE TO HUSBAND


WIFE:AAJ TO MUJHE KISI MEHANGI JAGAH LE CHALO

HUSBAND:CHALO FAT FAT TAIYAR HOO JAO


WIFE:PAR JANA KAHAN HAI

HUSBAND:"PETROL PUMP"