ERROR'S vs WARNINGS !!!

A software engineer was smoking.

A lady standing nearby said to him "can't you see the Warning, Smoking is injurious to health..!'.

He replied "We are bothered only about Errors, not Warnings !!"

SOFTWARE ENGINEER & BEGGAR !!!

A beggar meets another beggar.
A software engineer meets another software engineer,
Both them ask the same question to each other,
What is the question???.

Ans; So Which platform are you working on???...

CONTRIBUTION FOR BOSS !!!

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in loud discussions during office time.....

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, They ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss" They're asking for a Rs.500 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire. We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."

One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?

"About 10 litres."

DONT LOOSE HOPE !!!

*Ek Gadha:- Yaar mera malik mujhe bahut maarta hai.

*Dusara Gadha:- To tu bhag kyu nahi jata.

Pehla Gadha:- Bhag to jata.. par yahan future bada bright hai ...malik ki khoobsurat beti jab shararat karti hai to malik kahta hai,'Teri shaadi gadhe se kar dunga...!'*

*Bas isi ummeed me baitha hoon........ **

Moral- Keeping Hopes may not improve your future, but it will certainly reduce the pain of Today !!!*

M.B.A vs B.E STUDENT !!!

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain..... .
A MBA and a BE student go on a camping trip,

set up their tent, and fell asleep.

Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend and says:

"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
The BE asks, "What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute..
"Astronomically speaking,

it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.

"Practically. ..Someone has stolen our tent".

"ENGINEERING = 100% COMMON SENSE"JAI HO ALL ENGINEERS.

MARRIAGE QUOTE'S !!!

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

Don't marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.

FUNNG QUOTE'S

80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

A college is a place where pebbles are polished and diamonds dimmed.

FUNNY QUOTE'S

To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.

FINAL EXAM !!!

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Austin until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to Dallas for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.

They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written:

(For 95 points): Which tire?

AN INSURANCE SALESMAN & A FARMER !!!

An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a
farmer.

“Look at it this way,” he said finally. “How would your wife carry on if you should die?”

“Well . . .” drawled the weather-beaten man, “I don't reckon that'd be anyconcern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while I'm alive.”

WHAT'S TRUE LOVE ???

True love is like an pillow, u can hug when you are in trouble, you can cry when you are in pain & u can embrace when you are happy. So when u need true love spend 100 bucks and buy a pillow.

FROM NEW ENGLISH LANGUAGE STUDENT !!!

From New English Language Students

10. I fell in love with her the first time I sawed her.

9. He had such a worm heart.

8. We were two sheeps passing in the night.

7. We have hated each other for so long. I want to borrow the hatchet.

6. My dentist makes me blush twice a day.

5. I don’t know if he will propose, but I am expecting.

4. I have something exciting to tell you.
My girlfriend and I got enraged last night!

3. The groom was wearing a very nice croissant.

2. He lifted the veal off her face and gave her a big kiss.

1. I think she is really glad she got marinated.

COMPUTER HEAVEN AND COMPUTER HELL !!!

In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.

In Computer Hell:
The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.

MURPHY'S LAW ON COMPUTING !!!

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you’d least expect to find it.

4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

6. To err is human…to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it’s downright natural.

7. He who laughs last, probably has a back-up.

8. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

9. A complex system that does’ t work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

FUNNY SAYING - T-SHIRT'S !!!

I’m Out Of My Mind Feel Free To Leave A Message

My Anger Management Class Pisses Me Off

Cogito Ergo Periculosus (I Think Therefore I’m Dangerous)

He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest

Just Because I Don’t Care Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Understand

There should be A Special Prison for Stupid People

I Do What The Voices In My Wifes Head Tell Me To Do

I Don’t Know What Makes You So Dumb, But It Really Works

I Love Children But I Don’t Think I Can Eat A Whole One

These Are My Dress Clothes

I Don’t Know Karate But I Do Know Krazy And I Am Not Afraid To Use It

Do Not Disturb Already Disturbed

Sarcasm is Only One Of The Services I Offer

FUNNY QUOTES !!!

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

EXPLAINATION OF INFLATION !!!

A man explained inflation to his wife thus:

'When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but you are not worth as much.'

GRAMMAR CORRECTION !!!

A girl from Oklahoma and a girl from Wisconsin were seated side by side on a plane.

The girl from Oklahoma, being friendly and all said, "So, where y'all from?"

The Wisconsin girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."

The girl from Oklahoma sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, "So, where y'all from, bitch?"

BHIKARI & SAHIB !!!

BHIKARI : SAHIB EK RUPAIYA DE DO

SAHIB: KAL ANNA

BHIKARI: ISS KAL-KAL KE CHAKKAR MEIN ISS COLONY MEIN MERE LAKHON RUPAIYA FASSE HAIN

REALITY OF BOY'S & GIRLS'S !!!

Meaning of ABCDEFG for Boy's : A Boy Can Do Everything For Girls.

Reverse the letters GFEDCBA for Girls's :Girls Forget Everything Done & Catch new Bakra Again

Ladkewaale & Ladkiwaale

Ladkewaale: Ladki ka naam kya hai?

Ladkiwaale: Hamari pyari, aapki pyaari sabki pyari, Rampyari.

Ladke ka naam kya hai.

Ladkewale: Hamara Gu, aapka Gu, ham sabka gu JAGGU

FUNNY

A Law Professor asks a Student: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?

The Student replies: Father-in-Law

ENGINEERS JOKES !!!!!!

WHAT IF SOFTWARE ENGINEERS START MAKING FILMS ??????

THERE NAMES WILL BE

1)MUNNA BHAI C++

2)HAMARA MOUSE AAPKE PAAS HAI

3)SOFTWARE MIL GAYA

4)PROGRAM KIYA THO DARNA KYA

FAMILY PLANNING !!!!!

INTERVIEWER:AAP SAB KITHE HO ??

SALEEM : HUM 25 BEHAN BHAI HEN


INTERVIEWER:KYA AAP KE GHAR FAMILY PLANING WALE NAHI AATE ???

SALEEM:AAYE THE SCHOOL SAMAJH KE WAPAS CHALE GAYE !!!!!!

MOHABBAT JOKE!!!!

AAJ KA SAWAL

MOHABBAT HO JATI HAI YA KARNI PADTI HE???

VERY SIMPLE


LADHI SEXY HO TO HOJATI HAI ....

AUR AGAR AMEER HO THO KARNI PADTI HE ...

SARDAR REPLIED!!!!!

WOMEN LIVE BETTER,LONGER & LEAD PEACEFUL LIFE


WHY???

SARDAR REPLIED,OYE!!!ITS VERY SIMPLE,WOMEN'S DON'Y HAVE WIFE ...

SANTA BANTA JOKE!!!!

SANTA:TU ITNA SHARAB PEETA HAI,TERI BIWI KUCH BOLTI NAHI ??


BANTA:WO BAHOT ACHI HAI,GAON KI HAI NA


SANTA:ACCHA,MUJHE LAGA TERI HAI

HOW A C.A(CHARTERED ACCOUNTANT)SCOLDS SOME ONE ????

WHEN HE IS ANGRY ??

U BLOODY BOUNCED CHEQUE,LIABILITY 2 HUMANITY,BORN BAD DEBT,DISHONOURED BILLINSOLVENT MAN.

I WILL BEAT U SO BADLY THAT YOUR BALANCE SHEET WILL NEVER TALLY!!!

MANAGEMENT JOKE !!!!!

MANAGEMENT FUNDAMENTAL FOR SUCCESS

"IF YOU D'NOT LIKE ANY RULE ,JUST FOLLOW IT,REACH THE TOP AND CHANGE THE RULE !!!!!!!!!!!!"

COMMUNICATION FUNNY !!!!

3 FASTEST MEANS OF COMMUNICATION

1.TELL-PHONE

2.TELE-VISION

3.TELL-TO-WOMAN

HEIGHT OF HONESTY !!!!

SITTING IN AN EXAMINATION HALL,OPENING A BIT ,MEMORISING THE ANSWER AND THEN WRITING IT WITHOUT SEEING!!!!!

WIFE & HUSBAND

WIFE SAW SIGN BOARD>>>

BANARASI SAREE RS.10

NYLON SAREE RS.8

COTTON SAREE RS.5

WIFE:GIVE ME RS.500,I'LL BUY 50 SAREES

HUSBAND:ANDHI.ISTRI KI DUKAN HAI

HEIGHT'S TO ATTITUDE !!!

STUDENT ATTENDED BIO PRACTICAL EXAM

EXAMINER:TELL THE BIRD NAME BY SEEING LEG.

STUDENT:I DONT KNOW


EXAMINER:U FAIL!!!!! WAT'S U R NAME ??

STUDENT:SEE MY LEG & TELL MY NAME !!!

A SIMPLE FACT!!!

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INSIDE & OUTSIDE THE COLLEGE GATE IS

WE WILL PLAY WITH LIFE INSIDE

LIFE PLAYS WITH US OUTSIDE !!!!!

WIFE & HUSBAND

WIFE:HOW, HAVE U MANAGED TO GET HOME SO EARLY TODAY??

HUSBAND:MY BOSS LOST HIS TEMPER WITH ME AND SHOUTED."GO TO HELL"

SO I CAME HOME !!!!

FRIENDSHIP !!!

WIFE IS A "DIALLED CALL"

BABY IS A "RECEIVED CALL"

FIGURE IS A "MISSED CALL"

LOVER IS A "WAITING CALL"

BUT

FREINDSHIP IS A "FEVI-COL"

NEVER BE DEPRESSED WHEN BREAK UP !!!

WHO RECENTLY HAD A BREAK UP !!!!

"DID U LEAVE HER OR SHE LEFT U "??

I JUST SMILED AND REPLIED "LOVE LEFT US"??

BHAGWAN KO GUSSA KAB AATA HAI....

JAB KOI LADKI SHAADI SE PEHLE PREGNANT HO JAYA,

AUR USKI MAA KEHE,"HEY BHAGWAN YE TUNE KYA KIYA"

BEST SLOGAN ON BEAUTY PARLOUR !!!!!

A FAMOUS BEAUTY PARLOUR IN BOMBAY

SLOGAN WAS

"DON'T WHISTLE AT THE GIRL GOING OUT FROM HERE.SHE MAY BE U R GRANDMOTHER"

WHAT IS BRAVERY ?????????????

COMING HOME LATE AT NIGHT IN FRIEND'S BIKE AND MOM WAITING OUTSIDE WITH BROOMSTICK TO BEAT..

BUT U ASK HER "HI MUMMY STILL CLEANING HOUSE ????"

BEST SLOGAN ON BEAUTY PARLOUR !!!!!

A FAMOUS BEAUTY PARLOUR IN BOMBAY

SLOGAN WAS


"DON'T WHISTLE AT THE GIRL GOING OUT FROM HERE.SHE MAY BE U R GRANDMOTHER"

WHAT IS BRAVERY ?????????????

COMING HOME LATE AT NIGHT IN FRIEND'S BIKE AND MOM WAITING OUTSIDE WITH BROOMSTICK TO BEAT..

BUT U ASK HER "HI MUMMY STILL CLEANING HOUSE ????

EK FAQUIR BHEEKH MANGTHA HAI !!!

EK FAQUIR BHEEKH MANGNE KE LIYE MASJID KE BAHAR BAITHA RAHA...SAB NAAMAZI AANKH BACHA KAR CHALE GAYE.. USE KUCHH NAHI MILA...

WO FIR CHURCH GAYA ...

FIR MANDIR..

AUR FIR GURUDWARE..

LEKIN USE KO KISI NE KUCHH NAHI DIYA...

AAKHIR MEIN WO EK MAIKHANE{BAR} KE BAHAR AAKAR BAITH GAYA...

JO SHARABI NIKALTA US KE KATORE MEIN KUCHH DAAL JATA..

AUR KATORA NOTON SE BHAR GAYA...

YE DEKHKAR FAQUIR BOLA"WAH MERE MAULA..!!RAHTE KAHAN HO AUR ADDRESS KAHAN KA DETE HO ..??"

TEACHER ASKING CASTE TO STUDENTS ???

TEACHER ASKED TO STUDENT

TEACHER : WHAT IS YOUR CASTE??

STUDENT :PHELE TO HUM SHARMA THE,FIR RAJPUT THE,FIR BANIYA HO GAYE,ABHI HAI DARZI,


AAGE MUMMY KI MARZI.....

TERROR ENGLISH BY COLLEGE P.T SIR !!!

1.THERE IS NO WIND IN THE FOOTBALL!!!

2.THE GIRL WITH THE MIRROR{SPECS}PLZ COME HERE!!!

3.I TALK,HE TALK,Y U MIDDLE MIDDLE TALK!!!

4.U ROTATE THE GROUND FOUR TIMES!!!

5.U GO AND UNDER-STAND THE TREE!!!

6.U 3 OF U STAND TOGETHER SEPRATELY!!!

SARDAR JOKE

3 SARDAR BED PAR SO RAHE THE

AUR UN TINO KO JAGAH BAS NAHI HO RAHI THI

EK SARDAR BED SE NICHE SONA CHALA GAYA

DOSRA SARDAR NE USHE KAHA

"AB JAGAH HO GAYI UPAR AAJA"